Creating a Separation and Reunion Ritual
The way the day begins and ends for your child is very important. It sets the tone for the day and supports the task of learning to separate and reunite.
What parenting techniques can you implement to make these important times of day work for you and your child?
Create a Predictable Separation and Reunion Transition Plan
Establish a predictable way to separate and reunite with your child. A predictable pattern helps children feel comfortable in the transition process.
It also prevents children from using arrival and departure times as an opportunity to manipulate parents and teachers.
Your arrival at school should look the same each day.
Saying Goodbye at Preschool
When you’re separating from your child for childcare or preschool you’ll come into the room, talk a minute with your child’s teacher, and put your child’s things away where they belong in the room. Next, help your child begin to settle in by offering him/her a toy to play with or a book to read. Don’t rush the separation process. It may take your child as long as 15 minutes to get ready for you to leave.
When you are ready to leave, let the childcare or teacher know, kiss and hug your child, say goodbye and that you’ll be back, and then leave. You can blow kisses and waving while you’re heading out the door. Be sure to leave and not to hesitate or seem unsure of yourself, even if your child is crying.
Returning to Pick Up at Preschool
Do the same upon your return. Instead of rushing off to gather your child’s belongings to go home, cherish the reuniting process. Pick your child up, hug, and kiss him/her, then spend a few minutes getting reconnected. Don't be surprised if your child ignores you for a minute or two. He/she has just figured out that you have been somewhere else all day and may take a few minutes to get over being mad about that!
Sit down and watch what he/she is doing, and follow his/her lead about when to try to reunite again.
These are Parenting Transitions
Expect arrival and departure time to be transitions.
Everything in a child’s life is a transition. Some are handled better than others. Most parents realize that arrival and departure transitions can’t be abrupt and quick – they take time. In general, children, even very young children, resist being rushed or hurried.
Every parent has been in a situation where he/she is running late. The harder you push, the slower and more resistant your child becomes!
Knowing this is the case, plan arrival and departure routines to accept this inevitable reality.
Always be Proactive
The best parenting practice is to call your child’s center if your routine is going to change so that you can be proactive for the transitional change. Sometimes we can offset children’s real discomfort about changes in the schedule by preparing your child for the change. Even very young children know the sequence of which parent comes in first, then next, then next, etc. If you let your childcare provider or preschool teacher know that you’re running late, they can help your child accommodate the increased time at the center and not start “waiting” for you too soon.
Have Backup Separation Plan
Develop backup strategies before you need them, and practice these routines, too. It’s going to happen – a flat tire, a car accident, a last-minute work demand that can’t be postponed, more traffic than you have ever seen, the downpour that floods every street leading to the center. Plan for these situations so you have a backup if you cannot be predictable in your departure routine. Don’t forget to practice your backup plan. Everyone involved needs to know how the plan works, in preparation for the day when it is put into effect.
Predictable beginnings and endings of the day are important to you and your child. Separations and reunions are easier for adults because they are more experienced in negotiating them. Children, particularly very young children, need lots of help from you to make these transitions a pleasant part of the childcare experience.
Learning and developing parenting techniques for our children such as creating a separation and reunion ritual could take so much of your time and energy. Your day could get so busy. This Wondeful Affirmation and Coloring Sheets is a great mindful activity and will help you have some time out to relax and help you remind how AWESOME you are while trying to get through these times of adjustments.
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If you’re searching for more tips and tricks for children with separation anxiety, then why not join our Parent Advisor private Facebook group? In this private group, you’ll be in contact with parent advisors who are compassionate and knowledgeable in a variety of parenting subjects.
