Children Biting Ages 18 months to 36 Months

By now you may be wondering if biting will become a way of life for children in your child’s group at childcare or preschool teacher. It may seem to you that every time you turn around children are entering another biting phase! And now your child will tell you all about when the bite happened, who did it, and why (although reports may bear little relationship to the facts). Helpless feelings associated with your child’s first bite resurface, and you may be a little scared your child is biting, too.

Why does biting seem to occur among children in groups at school? The simple answer to this question, according to noted psychologists Louise Ilg and Florence Ames, is children bite because they lack language and social skills. They say biting is a developmental phenomenon. It happens at predictable times for predictable reasons that are tied to children’s ages and stages. This stage is called purposeful biting and seems mean and malicious to adults. The bites may even leave marks.

What is going on, and what should you as a parent do?

The first step is to remember that investigative biting and action/reaction biting have come and gone. As serious as these forms of biting seemed at the time, your toddler passed through the stage of being bitten through investigation and biting by investigation. Your younger toddler passed through the stage of being bitten for a reaction and biting for a reaction. Purposeful biting will pass also as your toddler’s language and social skills mature.

Let’s take a look at what your older toddler’s preschool teacher will be doing to anticipate, prevent, and handle purposeful biting. Understanding why children bite is the first step in preventing biting. Biting does not mean the child is “bad” or “cruel.” Children bite because they lack language and social skills. They are not yet able to say, “Leave me alone,” or “That's my toy.”

As soon as they learn to tell their friends to leave them alone, to move away from toddlers who get too close, and to negotiate turns, the frequency of purposeful biting diminishes.

Prevention of the conditions that lead to purposeful biting and anticipation of purposeful biting are two ways your preschool teacher will deal with biting. She has created an environment that spreads children throughout the available space. Because toddlers tend to be “groupie” in nature (they go wherever the preschool teacher is), preschool teachers arrange the classroom to limit toddlers’ ability to see everyone and everything. If they are unable to see the toys other toddlers are playing with, they will be less likely to want to play with those specific toys and less likely to bite to get them.

Your preschool teacher also will focus on anticipating biting. She will observe when, where, and with whom biting occurs to provide the basis for anticipating biting episodes. She will limit the development of situations in which biting occurs by separating a regular biter from his/her most frequent target, anticipating tired or fussy times that will likely result in conflict, and rearranging play pairs.

The preschool teacher also will use substitution as a strategy for helping toddlers learn to control biting. At some ages, sore gums that need rubbing can be the cause of biting behavior. The nearest available object to soothe sore gums just might be the arms or fingers of another child. Soft rubber manipulative toys are offered to toddlers who are cutting molars.

Sometimes prevention, anticipation, or substitution is not enough. When a toddler bites three or more times in one day, additional steps need to be taken. Your preschool teacher will follow a three-step procedure to deal with a biter once there are no more preventive measures to try. All three steps help toddlers understand the logical consequences of biting.

The first and most important step is one that your preschool teacher has been using for some time. She will respond to the child who is bitten. If the conflict is over a toy, she will position herself between the biter and the child who was bitten and pick up the toy. Without moving away from the biter, she will comfort the bitten toddler by holding him/her near, stroking the child’s back, or saying comforting things like, “I bet that hurt,” or “It upsets you when Jenny bites you.”

This step is usually enough to help toddlers learn that biting gets neither the toy nor the attention of the preschool teacher.

In fact, the logical consequence of biting is that the other child gets attention and the biter gets left out. Often this step is all that is needed to help a toddler gain control over biting.

The preschool teacher has been narrating to your child. Narration is an ongoing monologue of what is happening in the toddler’s world. Preschool teachers talk about what children are doing, how they are interacting, and how children are responding to each other’s actions. Narration helps toddlers learn to pick up cues about other children’s feelings and reactions.

If the biting persists, your toddler’s preschool teacher will take the next step. She will plan a place to isolate the biter that removes him/her from the play setting and restricts his/her ability to play. A crib is usually used. When a child bites, the preschool teacher will say simply to that child “It hurts when you bite.” Then the preschool teacher will pick up the child and put him/her in the isolation place. The preschool teacher won’t be angry or disapproving, just matter-of-fact. The message the preschool teacher is sending the biter is that you don't get to play freely in the classroom for a few minutes when you bite.

Because playing is much more fun than watching others play, the biter quickly gets the message that he/she is in control of whether or not he/she can continue to play. After a minute or two, the biter is removed from the crib, and the preschool teacher helps the child return to play. If the child cries or is upset by the removal, the preschool teacher will wait a minute or two for him/her to get under control.

Isolation won’t be very long.

Toddlers have little perspective on time and will get the point after even a brief separation.

Now is the time that your child’s preschool teacher will teach discrete social skills to help older toddlers increasingly control their own behavior. Like whole child development, social problem-solving skills follow a continuum from simple to complex.

Because most conflict occurs over limited resources (toys, crayons, blocks, manipulatives, the preschool teacher’s lap), the first social skill a toddler needs is the ability to wait just a moment. This is called delaying gratification and is a particularly difficult skill for a toddler to master.

Then, the preschool teacher will teach toddlers to use their words. She’ll start with “Mine!” As language grows, the words will get more specific (“I want the truck, please”).
Then the preschool teacher will teach children to walk away from a problem or to ask the other child to walk away and leave him/her alone. This skill makes toddlers feel powerful and capable of solving their own problems some of the time. Next comes asking for what you want instead of grabbing it. “Please put that in my right hand” will often work very well.
The next step is to try trading a toy you don’t want for a toy you do want. “Trade me the yellow car for the blue one” will make both children winners.
Taking turns (first me, then you) comes next, followed finally by actually sharing.
Expect these skills to dramatically reduce biting specifically and aggression in general, as children master them.

Children who are biting frequently (i.e., three or more times a day for three or more consecutive days), may need increased supervision throughout the day. Shadowing the child or limiting his/her freedom within the classroom by having the child hold the preschool teacher’s hand will reinforce the idea that biting will be controlled in your toddler’s classroom.

What can you do as a parent to help prevent purposeful biting from becoming a problem?

The first thing you can do is continue to respond promptly when your child is hurt by another child or a sibling. Then, never let your toddler bite you without getting a negative reaction. Tell your toddler that you don’t like it when he/she hurts you. Remind your toddler that you always touch him/her softly.
Then walk away for a minute or two to communicate that biting won’t get your attention – in fact, it will make it disappear. Don’t forget to reinforce and reward appropriate behaviors your child has and to model the behaviors you would like your child to have. Finally, use the continuum above to help your toddler add these important social skills to his/her skill collection.

You should also plan to work closely with your toddler’s preschool teacher if biting is occurring at home or in your toddler’s classroom. Preschool teachers are open to working with you to make sure biting does not become exploitive to anyone at school. Expect biting to come and go. It is a developmental phenomenon that will be replaced by more mature skills as your toddler grows and learns.

Learn more about parenting tips on how to stop a toddler form biting in it’s track

Remember These Important Points About Children Biting

Respond quickly when your child is hurt by another child or sibling.
Biting is a developmental phenomenon that comes and goes.
All children bite occasionally at various ages and stages.
Your toddler’s preschool teacher will quickly comfort hurt children who are bitten, hugging, and cuddling them until they are calm.
Expect your preschool teacher to talk to you about biting incidences. Expect to see an Accident/Incident Report.
Biting disappears and is replaced by more mature skills as your toddler grows.
Be your child’s first preschool teacher about biting – don’t let him/her bite you without getting a negative reaction from you.
Give your older toddler lots of attention and hugs for positive social behaviors with friends and siblings like touching softly or taking turns.
Talk about what your child is doing and describe his/her actions and reactions and the actions and reactions of others as they happen.
Model behaviors you want your child to use like talking softly, saying please and thank you, and holding your hand in dangerous situations.
Toddlers often identify the wrong child as the biter. Or they may attribute every right and wrong in the classroom to one child.
Prevention and anticipation take care of most biting incidences.
Parents of older children can be a resource to help in understanding biting.
Who did the biting is not as important as the preschool teacher’s plan for handling it.
Talk to your child’s preschool teacher if you have concerns about any of your older toddler’s behaviors.

If you’re dealing with a toddler who is biting at childcare or preschool, then Join our Parent Advisor private Facebook group to connect with an amazing support group who can help you get through this stage. For more parenting tips, visit our Peake Academy and Play Boutique blog

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